This time of the year many of us consider making New Year’s Resolutions. Perhaps you’ve lost the same 15 pounds (and gained it back) for several years. Perhaps we were going to stop rushing or quit smoking or do more things that you enjoy…The reason we don’t actually have the outcome that we plan from these resolutions is that we don’t make the necessary changes to set up new habits. If we do the same old things, we will get the same old results. Oh, maybe we do stick to the plan for a few days or a few weeks, but we don’t actually introspect and realize what has to happen in a new way to bring about the desired results. If we don’t make life style changes, we will just recreate the old patterns and results.
The way we are feeling is actually what is underlying the destructive behavior. The feelings that cause negative words to come out of our mouth are just as destructive as the harmful foods, drugs and tobacco that we may be putting in our mouths. If we have anger, guilt or lack of self-love, we aren’t going to be nurturing ourselves. An important consideration in reaching any of your personal goals is to ask yourself these three questions:
- What emotional baggage am I carrying into the New Year?
- What have I continued to be mad about from year to year?
- Who is the person who is most harmed by the anger that I am carrying around?
Here is a plan that I have used with my clients to stop this negative cycle that involves loss of control and personal power:
- Set a list of one to three specific goals which will be called your Target Behaviors.
- Affirm these goals in positive statement for each one as though they are already accomplished.
- For example: I maintain positive feelings no matter what is going on in the world around me or
I am proud I have stopped smoking or I am thoughtful of the effect my moods have on others.
- Introspect and then make a list of the factors involved in the problem.
For example; Look at yourself honestly with the intention to recognize and let go of any harmful emotions or anger you are holding about people, events and situations.
- Make the choice to get rid of the things causing the old destructive patterns. This is the key! Until you decide to get something harmful out of your life, you will just drag the old behaviors and interactions around and around going in the same circle of ignoring cause and effect.
- Once this decision is made take constructive action to make a change.
- Recognition: Catch yourself in any old ways of thinking and acting that lead to the target behavior that you want to stop.
- Remind yourself that you have decided not to give your power away to this target behavior.
- Do four “Clearing Breaths” (Breath into the count of four and exhale to the count of four).
- Drink a glass of pure water while thinking the affirmation you chose to get rid of this situation.
- State aloud three times your affirmation regarding a new outcome for the target behavior.
- Do the desired behavior and congratulate yourself for maintaining your personal control.
Patrice Joy Masterson, MA is a Healthy Living Consultant. She offers personalized and group integrative programs at the Harmonizing Health Retreat in Bedford, KY. For more information call 937-631-5581.